daily log

> customer asked me my name, said they’d seen me around a lot(?), and then introduced themselves — what I’m supposed to make of this I don’t know

> told off one of my co-workers for trying to get another one of us to make his drink (seriously dude, you’re doing too much, you’re how old?)

> tried to play my set on the radio, but there was some sort of ghoul haunting the air, and I wasn’t able to connect

> we got sugar free red bull back at the cafe, but it’s hidden so only the baristas know — I exclusively only drink the sugar free red bull, I’m of the belief all liquids should have no calories universally (it doesn’t make sense that a liquid can have energy in it and not just be a net-neutral)

> realized I’ll have to do office hours with my professor, so I’ll be staying on campus until at least Monday (sad emoji)

> talked with a coworker while closing about all the things we find attractive in other people

> swept the fuck out of the floors, found a chess piece under the coffee machine #treasure

> went to my final classes for cuteness studies and sosc, got sort of emotional

> in said classes talked about how I think there is an element of class inherently linked to minimalism (we were talking about Marie Kondo and “sparking joy”), and how the idea of throwing things out a) was not revolutionary to me and b) made me think about how my mom always forces us to mend things or sew them back together because growing up she had nothing — there’s no use throwing something out just because it doesn’t “spark joy”

> in the same class we brought up this article, and how the act of sewing a button and mending the item was linked to this idea of minimalism and loving the item for what it does for you, and it made me think of my mom

> stayed up until 2 am to watch the time change to 3 am, got so scared and decided I needed to sleep. Sadly woke up at 8 am, my body refuses to let me sleep after all the sleep I've gotten recently (all of friday expect for 2 hrs was spent sleeping).

> went to work at 1 and got off at 3. realized my coworker that I despise actually isn't that evil when she's not talking about her love life and how much she's better than everyone.

> listened to said coworker talk about her situationship with a man she turned down because he had a girlfriend. listened to another coworker relay basically the same story about their crush. then they talked about how they can't get too close to their guy friends because what if they think something. so much talk that saddened me because why not just be friends with who you want how you want...thanked god that this isn't anything I have to deal with because I'm a gay man #blessup.

> younger sister called me on the phone and showed me the crafts she made.

> spent 5+ hrs looking for quotes and writting page after page for an essay. realized almost everything I wrote was bad and scrapped a ton of it.

> took a break from said writing to go outside for a walk, bumped into my brother and his girlfriend.

> finished smoking a cigarette as a reward for doing work. made myself lemonade.

> ordered dim sum for me and my roomate :P

> roomate and I had a lengthy conversation about how emo was the last main-stream rock act/stint. Think 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s they all have their own big mainstream rock acts. Past the 2000s, I can't think of one. Racking our brain for who's the biggest act of the 2010s. Decided the Arctic Monkeys. What do we have now? Geese? But we're not counting indie as the same as rock, and just not to the same extent where you can't escape them. Rap replaced rock. Now we have major pop acts and major rap acts, but no big rock act that I can think of?

> roomate told me a story about how when she was 9 her dad said outloud that two fortune cookies would have the same fortune, unwwrapped the fortunes he was talking about, and like magic they were exactly the same. after telling me this story, we open up our fortune cookies and they, too, both have the same fortune.

> so....I'm actually writing this one day late, but who cares! I was too tired to doccument what I did yesterday to be able to write anything down. but I'll write this now.

>thought I had a meeting with my social sciences professor, woke up in time to make it to her office, only to find out, I actually did not schedule a meeting..whoopsie

> chatted with friends for a while and made myself a drink. went home to shower and shave. put on coconut lotion (not really my taste, but this was all I had).

> worked on my final essays, and rescheuled my meeting with my prof. (met her today, as I am writing this).

>waited for a friend to join me. watched two squirrels kiss while waiting. walked with my friend to a coffeeshop, where they were giving away free food and drink because of an event for something she was apart of.

> sat in said friend's hammock. see photo. while we were sitting and working, the bell tower was ringing, people were playing outside because it was so nice out, I heard someone playing a flute and also watched someone juggle while outside. I was very pleased as it was a very healing expirience.

> went back to work, worked on my essay a little and made myself another drink.

> watched my friend close up and she suggested we go to the lake-front. we dipped our little tippy toe-zies in the water. my feet were so cold that they started to feel numb. I was really happy to feel something and be back in the warm of my socks. we looked up at the stars and I think I jupiter and the north star

> my friends suggested we go back to their house to work. we walked allllll the way back to their house from the shore. they put on music for us and we worked...until we got too distracted by eachother and just started to gab.

>we started to get very into the concept of prision in general and also in practice and just going over how odd everything is.

> went home and fell asleep after relaying what had happened to my roomate.

>wokeup with enough time to get ready for my class

>arrived to class late, learned about new world monkies, old world monkies, humans, apes and other kinds of primates

>went to lab and did a worksheet that asked us what our favorite bone was and i realized i don't have one. the more i think about it though i think my favorite is the tailbone, it's sort of useless but i always wished that humans had tails the way dogs do.

>forced myself to go to my social sciences class and realzied my prof is gay (?), i had no idea, i just thought he was one of those flamboyant english teachers...anyways #community #solidarity

>worked on my website a bit (trying to reorganize my links page bc it's a mess rn)

>bought my friend lunch, we had fancy sandwiches

>walked friend to his class and then made my way through the sea of people that is my school atm --I think today is admitted students day so there's a lot more people out and about, it makes me all really anxious because the sapces I normally occupy are full of people, also the weather is nice so there's more people outside

>okay so i forgot what i did for the rest of the day so....whoopsie

>wokeup sort of late, tried not to wakeup my roomate, shaved my body and went off to my class which i showed up late to!! (i'm not sure what's wrong with me but i suck at time management or like estimating how much time something is gonna take?)

>went to class, ta tried to call on me even though i wasn't raising my hand, it's ok because i'm endeared by him

>friends invited me to get hot-dogs with them after class but i had to tell them no because i'm on a weird kick about not eating red-meat and also i hadn't eaten breakfast and i just didn't have the courage to eat something like that at the moment. i'm going to be so completly honest, something about hot-dogs (on the wrong day, not all the time) really freaks me out

>went to the cafe i work at and ate a delicious pastry while my coworker introduced me to his friend

>his friend really really really wanted to have a conversation with me while i was just trying to eat, but they were really kind and charming so i actually didn't mind that much, they talked about their expirience in their second year and how it was really tough for them until found a community through her own coffee shop, it was really sweet

>went home and tried not to wake my roomate while she continued to snooze, went to a study room to take a thearpy call

>went to therapy and talked about how i have this skewed worldview that everyone secretly hates me and no one wants to engage with me or be my friend, so when people, especailly strangers, are kind to me i find it so hard to believe and even harder to accept

>finished therapy, went back to work to do training

>got trained on how the pull the perfect shot, steam milk the proper way. the guy teaching us was from this rlly big coffee bean company and was really really really into coffee, think coffee hispter bro thing. he made me remake my drink 3 times, and gave me a "C", but that's okay, because i weirdly feel like i learned a lot? i would have been upset but the guy was really charming so it was ok, he's just very into his craft which i can respect.

>finished training and opened the cafe back up to the public, who would periodically come during training to ask if we were open...and we had to keep telling them no and shooing them away, i felt evil

>a man came-by the cafe and he was like how are you? and ususally people just say that as a pleasantry but he geniunely wanted to know. he then asked if he could hang up flyers and i told him where he could and gave him tape. he comes back and starts investigating the posters we have up around the cafe and kindly asks if he can take a photo of our free palestine one, and i was like of course you can and its very kind that you asked and then he asked me my name and i told him and was like it was very nice meeting you

>coworker and i finished closing up, we had a lot of pastries left because most of the day had been lost to training

>tried to escape, but there was a group of newly accepted med students who were blocking the entrance and they all looked at me like i was crazy for trying to leave...please just let me escape

>met my friend outside and shared a pastry with her, she really wanted us to stay outside because it was really nice out

>decided we should buy cigarettes so we walked a long trek to the convience store. while we were there apparently there was literally a cop talking to the cashier about kids with fakes trying to buy cigars. i buy my cigarettes, they look at my id they're like okay whatever. i feel so freaking evil and i hadn't even realized any of this was happening and i felt freaking crazy but also not that crazy bc big whoop.

>the weather was too nice and there were too many police cars outside the store so my friend was like oh let's go to the lake and hangout

>we hangout at the lake and dip our toes in the crazy cold water and watch the other students do the same thing. they're all doing polar plunges and are in their bathing suits. something is wrong with me because i was like wow....there's something so erotic about all these freaking shirtless men with chest hair, and my friend was like you are such an odd duck, you know. expressions of sexuality were not a big thing in my upbriniging and in my family, so literally seeing anything is crazy to me, even if it's just an expression of gender, not even sexuality.

>we found a ton of sea glass and chatted while the sun went down. the wind kept blowing and making beautiful ripples and i thought about the lake, and the moon, and people's connection to the water and then i was wondering if other people feel very connected with certain elements and parts of nature? or do most people just not think about that?

>we walked home. i was super tired and hungry, my roomate ordered food for us while we watched temptation island. she also doordashed cvs because her card doesn't work in america but the doordash does for some reason? (idk)

>gathered materials for a ritual and well hopefully I can complete it tonight (first friday after/new moon of the month)